If You Had To Give Up One Utensil For The Rest Of Your Life, Which Would You Give Up: Forks, Knives, Or Spoons?
Apologies for the uncouth thumbnail for the blog, but if working at Barstool for wayyyyyy too long has taught me anything, it's that smut sells clicks. To anybody who clicked for that reason, I offer you my sincere thanks with the gentlest of bonks.
Anyway, we have a very important question at hand that I thought of at lunch.
The Case To Keep The Knife:
The great philosopher A. Morissette once lauded in the song "Ironic" how ironic it would be to have 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife while not noticing how a situation like that is more an unfortunate circumstance than an ironic one. In fact, naming a song "Ironic" then listing off a bunch of scenarios that weren't actually ironic is ironic in itself. Still a banger of a song as well as a music video though.
Anyway, if you don't have a knife, you can't cut your food. That's the case when you are eating steak or chicken or veggies or literally anything else along with just chopping stuff during food prep. Also we can't forget that getting rid of the knife technically eliminates the butter knife, which is to silverware what drafting Travis Kelce is to fantasy football. Not a necessity but it makes life sooooo much easier. Knife is an absolute lock to keep no matter what.
The Case To Keep The Spoon:
At first blush, you would say that getting rid of the spoon means getting rid of ice cream or cereal. But as someone with kids that runs out of clean silverware faster than I run out of patience, I've been in a pinch where I was forced to eat ice cream and cereal with a fork. It's not ideal shoveling these two delightful delicacies down your throat, but it could certainly be worse. However, you can't eat melted ice cream without a spoon nor can you eat any soup worth its comically high salt content without a spoon. I'm not really a huge soup guy
The Case To Keep The Fork:
I went into this blog thinking I was more #TeamFork than anything else because of the countless good food memories I have with a fork in hand. Pancakes for breakfast. Spaghetti for lunch. Steak for dinner. Cake for dessert. However, after doing this little exercise, which is the closes thing to real exercise that I've gotten in forever, I realize that a fork is damn near a luxury since a spoon can handle most of the heavy lifting that a fork can, outside of spearing a food which seems like more of a want than a need. Twirling spaghetti, which is my favorite pasta, would be donezo as would easily cutting your meat unless you were fine holding your spoon down hard like an idiotic child or using two knives like some psychopath.
.
.
.
Fuck, we have to kill the fork, a utensil that has been nothing but GREAT to me my entire life, huh? Again, you can eat cereal with a fork but barely getting any milk or eating it with the bowl tilted is some straight up savagery that would get old after a while. Suddenly this moment makes perfect sense to me.
Anyway, that's my 2 cents on this stupid ass hypothetical I thought of at lunch yesterday. What do you think? Vote on the tweet above, reply in the comments, or tweet @UncleChaps with your answer without any other context so he has no clue why the fuck people are tweeting him utensils out of the blue.